Psychology of Relationships in Sales

In the previous article, Psychology of Relationships in Sales, Part I, we covered the importance of credibility and trust in the beginning of relationships. Without credibility and trust you are missing part of the solid foundation for success in sales relationships.

In the foundation, there are four major bricks.

1. Credibility
2. Trust
3. Common Ground
4. Communication

This article covers the third and fourth bricks, Common Ground and Communication. We pick up with next brick in your foundation which is a Common Ground.

The Common Ground Brick

Common Ground is a rather broad topic but I outline it in a couple of specifics. Relationships happen because there is a connection. In most cases, connections are made because two people share something in common.

Your responsibility as a sales professional is to find that commonality. The quicker you can find the common bond the sooner you’ll solidify the relationship.

Salespeople often ask, "Must one have common ground to make a sale?" The answer is, No. However, if you want to build and maintain long-term relationships, developing a common ground bond is an important key.

Common ground usually starts with basic things like children, sports, activities, special interests, etc. Be cautious to find common ground with the taboo topics like religion or politics. Does this mean you cannot ever have common ground with the taboo topics? Absolutely not; however, you should save these discussions once you know you’ve built a solid foundation. As a rule of thumb, stay clear of the taboo topics all together.

As you work to find common ground, observe interest levels within the other individual. For instance, just because they are interested in football or concerts doesn’t mean they suit up every Saturday to play tackle or travel 110 miles to see the latest band. You must take an observatory role to determine their interest level. Let their level of interest dictate the desire for a given common ground.

You do not have to be active in their activity to find common ground. As an example, I had a customer that enjoyed breeding and raising horses. Never in my life had I been involved with horses except for a few casual rides. However, as I grew to know Steve I found a fascination with the breeding and boarding process. I spent the day at his home gaining a surface understanding of what it takes to board and breed. Do I ever expect to breed and board my own horses? Probably not. Do I have a better relationship with him now because I invested the time to learn about something he is interested in? You bet! And in the long run, I am a deeper person by getting to know each customers' interests.

Common ground can be found in many different ways. The easiest way for you to find the common ground with your customers and prospects is to keep an open mind and reserve judgment.

Remember that sales is a process, a continuous evolution of relationship building. Do not take lightly the importance of finding the common ground.

The Communication Brick

Communication is the final building block of the relationship process. Sales professionals give lip service to the importance of communication but usually fail to understand what quality communication means. Here a few clichés I find relevant for this section:

• Perception is reality
• Don’t beat around the bush
• Say what you mean and mean what you say
• Under promise; over deliver
• Actions speak louder than words

I want to speak to each one of these often overused clichés individually as they relate to communications.

Perception is Reality

Your customers and prospects gain a perception of you each moment you speak and act. If your communication style, what you say and how you take action are not cohesive, you'll give a negative perception to the buyer.

The perceptions you create for your buyers, impact your short and long-term success. In fact, a recent survey asking respondents how much direct mail they get in a given week illustrated this point. The average respondents in the survey said their perception was they were getting 7.1 pieces of direct mail per week, when the actual average was 3.8. If your perception is you get too much junk mail, does it really matter what the reality is?  This parallels your buyers' reality, if their perception is you are either above or below their standard, it doesn't really matter what the reality is.

Work to create positive perceptions. Recognize that everything you say and do is scrutinized at some level by your customer or prospect. In some cases it may be consciously and in other subconsciously.

Don’t Beat Around the Bush

Sales professionals habitually perform the proverbial dance. "What is the dance?", you ask.  Dancing around a topic or beating around the bush.  It is not having the right answer at the time, not having the proper solution, unable to figure out how to create synergy between organizations, failure to know how to negotiate pricing or any other point that causes a professional to begin the communication dance. In politics they call it the art of spinning.

One of the greatest secrets to sales is being a master communicator. First, do not ever sugarcoat the story.

You have a responsibility to your customers and prospects to give the real answer. If you do not have the answer, be clear that you will find the answer. People respect those who say "I don't know the answer, but I will find out." Rather than those who make up something.

I could spend hours discussing this cliché but the most important thing to remember is be honest and tell the truth. Don’t let the desire to succeed now cloud your vision of long-term success.  And don't be afraid to say, "I don't know, but I'll get an answer for you."

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

This one is so obvious, right? An ex-telemarketing vendor of our, told me they would deliver me a progress report for every 25 hours of work they completed.  They also said they were going to connect me with one of their customers to send out an ad on our behalf in an online newsletter. I was told both of these two points on several occasions.

You can imagine my surprise and disappointment as the time passed and both promises were broken. Needless to say, they failed to deliver on either promise reliably. This led to them being an ex-vendor.

As a professional in the sales business, you owe it to your customers and prospects to say exactly what you mean, but even more importantly deliver on what you say. This cliché ties perfectly with Perception is Reality. If you fail to “Say what you mean and mean what you say” the perception is that you cannot be trusted and your credibility is shot.

In order to improve your communication skills, work diligently at never promise anything to a customer that you cannot deliver.

Under Promise; Over Deliver

A few months ago I asked my editor if she could review a nine page document and have it back to me in three days. She said, she couldn’t promise three days but would have it back to me for sure within five. I gave her the job and sure enough she got it back to me in three days and also charged less than the originally quoted price.

You will always look great when you deliver more than the customer expects. Believe it or not, how you communicate creates expectations for your customers and prospects. Once expectations have been set, you either choose to meet, exceed or fall short of them. If you always remember to under promise and over deliver you’ll keep satisfied customers and win more sales.

Actions Speak Louder than Words

Ultimately lip service is only as good as your ability to deliver. Communication can be looked at in three parts.

1. Verbally
2. Non-Verbally
3. Through Action

If you think people do not observe your actions, you are dead wrong. You can be the savviest orator in history, but if you cannot back it with actions you’ll lose business.

It is important you keep quality notes of your communications with prospects and customers and don’t forget to write down your actions items. If you promise to deliver something by 5:00pm on Wednesday don’t wait until Thursday at 9:00am and make an excuse. Get it done on time.  If it is delayed beyond your control, let the customer know the minute you are nervous about making your deadline.  Keep communicating to let them know where the project is and how it is going.

Too often professionals lose business and never know exactly why. I can tell you one thing for certain. Your buyers know when your actions don’t line up with your verbal promises. If this happens, even a few times, the customer will begin to search for a vendor that can deliver on their promises.

The psychology of building relationships is fascinating. Your ability to leverage credibility, trust, common ground and solid communication style most certainly puts you leagues above your competition.

Spend the time to evaluate the four critical areas discussed in these two articles on relationships. Identify which bricks you can improve upon. Work diligently to bolster your client and prospect relationships.

I leave you with this story...

A friend of mine went to visit her family in Kentucky. The purpose of her trip was two-fold; one, to have her brother assist her in buying a new car and two, to go visit her mom who loves the casinos.

The first day, she and her bother visited several dealerships and finally came to love a specific used car.  It was within her price range.  She made an offer of $13,000 on this used car a few thousand dollars lower than the asking price.  However, the sales professional was disrespectful from the beginning.

The professional spoke down to her and consistently changed the story about the pricing and other specifics. Her brother recommended that she walk away. They did. The sales person was so rude he smirked, "You'll be back!"

The next day, Kaye and her mom went to a local casino. Upon arriving at the casino, she entered her name into a drawing. Hours later, she wasn’t having much luck with the slots; just then, over the loud speak, she heard her name called.  The voice said that she had won a drawing and if she could get to the concierge desk within five minutes she would receive an additional prize.

Without hesitation she left the slot machine and sprinted for the front desk. Guess what she won. 

She won a brand new BMW 5 series and as an added bonus they were giving her $5,000 cash. Can you believe a $45,000 car for free? Now here’s the kicker.

On Monday, she had to go to a dealership to pick up her new vehicle. Of all things, the dealership was the very same one where she had fallen in love with that used car.

Can you image the look of surprise when the same exact salesperson that demonstrated poor communication and relationship skills was the one that had to give her this brand new car?

Had the sales professional successfully built a relationship with her three days earlier, he would have sold her the used car. Instead, he had to give her a brand new ultra fancy car and not making an ounce of commission.

Sales can be won and lost in the relationship phase. Be a winner and build relationships that stand the test of time and detour your competition.